I'm Back

After 83 days worth of maternity leave, I'm back.

And now I have two projects waiting which, I miraculously have to finish by December, plus the first act of a novel and a short story.

I miss my baby boy.

Some Unexpected Good News

Who knew?

It was the last story that I had written with cold, calculating control (as opposed to the fevered, and often mad bursts of white heat). Every word, every thought, every unfortunate comma was thought of, deliberated then decided on. And, despite all the hard work, blood, sweat, tears, heart, soul and, ever more importantly, time, put in it, I was still unhappy with what came out.

I have never worked on a story as I did on Riverstone Heart. And I don't I will anytime in the foreseeable future as I have learned that my returns for the works I didn't work too hard on (and didn't, consequently, over think or over edit) were much higher than the ones that I've obsessed on for ages.

And yet, someone thought it was pretty good. A couple of people who I've idolized for so long, actually thought it was good enough to be cited in the Year's Best. It's a heady feeling. In fact, it's the second best news of the year, just edging out my first (hopefully not my last) Palanca (but still way behind the birth of my son for obvious reasons). I think it's because it's so unexpected. I mean, regardless of what I thought of my story submission for the Palanca, I still did something to join the contest, and come August, I'm of course hoping for the legendary Palanca letter. But this, this, was literally out of the blue. I didn't even know my idols read Serendipity mainly because it was so new there's no record if it being even in the radar. But they did. And here I am.

But perhaps the even bigger reason why I feel so good about this is that it is some form of validation; not that my idols read my work (but of course, that's part of it as well), but that there were actually people who did read my work - not just my friends, or my enemies, or people who knew me or, even more probably, knew of the people I knew. I was just someone out there, unknown, without anything or anyone to back me up or bring me down. And all that spoke for me was my story.

Perhaps that, more than an award, makes me feel like I wrote something of value. And whatever the future brings; even if I probably won't be able to replicate this wonderful year in terms of writing, I will always own this moment where I can say that, for at least one story, I was a writer.

Two Big Roses and a Thorn

This is kinda delayed, but I just want to announce the birth of my most beautiful, darling, wonderful, healthy baby boy, Hector Benjamin, last July 16 at 11:25 pm. He weighed 7 lbs. and 3 ounces (but has since then gained a full pound!:) ) and was 50 centimeters tall. My labor was difficult - I had to go through a 'trial of labor' for 15 hours before my doctor told me that I had to get a CS to keep me and my baby safe - and the weeks that followed have not been a walk in the park (he feeds every 1.5 to 2 hours or so), but seeing him grow, smile, kick, punch, move and basically do anything, made me feel its all worth it.

And in a bit of more recent good news, I (think - I keep feeling that maybe its just a practical joke that someone sent me with the CP letter head through TNT - lol) am now a fluke!!!

As for the thorn, my husband and I, due to a paritcularly expensive investment, are now officially poor for the next ten years. Sigh.

Thanks to all who prayed for my son!

36 Weeks and counting

Today marks my 36th week and 1 day into the pregnancy.

By now, the fine downy hair (lanugo) that has covered our son's skin is beginning to disappear, along with the vernix caseosa (the thick, creamy substance that has protected the baby’s skin while he has been submerged in amniotic fluid). I've also gained a total of 28 pounds - 3 more pounds than I had originally envisioned. While I wish i could say I can stop right here, my doctor feels I'll just be putting on more weight as D-Day (delivery day) draws nearer, as fluid retention will work against me and the weighing scale.

As early as next week, as late as a month from now, I could be giving birth. I'm scared, excited, tired, excited, scared, tired - you get the drill. The pregnancy gestation period has been both an extremely long and short journey, depending on what time of day people ask me about it, and what i've just eaten prior to the question.

But we're almost there. Your prayers for my baby's health (and mine) would all be appreciated.

Surprise Office Baby Shower

Just when I thought I couldn't be surprised, my office mates just proved me wrong.

Here are pix from my office baby shower. I look tired and I haven't even combed my hair (I thought I was just going to go to some unofficial office shindig), but don't doubt, I was happy. I think my hubby was happy too. :)

Big Hands, Big Feet

My hands and my feet are the two (in terms of sets) of my biggest insecurities in life. While most people don't notice it, I actually have large hands (relative to my size) and fat feet (I mean, length wouldn't have been that much of a problem I think, if they were slender).

The large hands was embarassing during the "dating" phase of my life when guys, in what would have been a romantic moment, notice my rather large, stubby hands (that sometimes, despite the fact that I'm smaller than the guys I've dated, are larger than my date's). It was especially horrific when I got engaged and my hubby - ever the honest kind of guy he is - revealed matter of factly to his family (to his family, would you believe), that I have a bigger ring size than he did.

I nearly died in humiliation but of course, my hubby was unrepentant ("how else would I be able to arrange our wedding ring size?", he asked).

My feet on the other hand, is not so obvious, but the tragedy, though quiet, is just as bad for me. The thing is, I love shoes. I mean, I LOVE shoes. Unfortunately, here in the Philippines, while they carry my size, they don't necessarily carry my girth. Plus the fact that most designs only look good on slender feet. As it is, I have to keep buying open toed thingies not because they're sexy, but because they're really more comfortable.

Of course, not everything is bad about them, no matter how much I complain. My hands, for example, though large and embarassing and inconvenient when texting on cell phones, they are incredibly good for giving massages, typing and playing the piano. In the meantime, my feet has saved me numerous times from graceless falls - being the clutz that I am, I just end up hitting things rather than hitting things and then falling gracelessly to the ground.

So why am I writing this? This isn't really what's on my mind right now. Maybe it's because I'm really scared right now, and I'm frustrated and I just don't want to deal with what's going on in my life that I focus on things that are more mundane and manageable.

And damnit, there's a story somewhere here in this blog, but I just can't write it.

Back To Work

After 2 weeks, 11 pokes (either from injections, blood withdrawals etc) and a gazillion antibiotics, I'm finally back to work.

For all those who had prayed for me and my baby, thanks.

Now, it's time to catch up. Hopefully, the rest of my pregnancy continues without any further complications.